


End

by Emmerdale_fangirl



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Self-Hatred, Suicide thoughts, selfharm, spoiler - Freeform, unworthyness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 15:42:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6430453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmerdale_fangirl/pseuds/Emmerdale_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Aaron thinks and feels after his drink with Robert.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	End

He was the only thing I thought I had.

But I didn't.

He doesn't love me, he loves her.

All my life I've felt unloved, unwanted but for the last few months it had gone, all the hate for myself just gone. It was his love confession that did it. I felt like I was loved, needed, I had something to live for. The hope of a future with him got me up in the morning.

But it was all a lie.

He never loved me, he used me, again.

I feel like using a razor blade is all I'm good for, but not on my face, no, on my chest, my stomach.

Watching the blood drip from the stinging wound helps, it helps ease the pain.

But it comes back, always does.

I've always thought of killing myself.

Kids usually day dream about getting a dog or having a happy life

But not me.

I day dreamed about death, wonder when I'd finally build up the courage to do it.

End, the endless pain.

I'd be dead if it wasn't for him.

I never said thank you for saving me because I didn't want to be saved.

I don't want the pain to continue, I don't want to live.

People say life is cruel but you just have to carry on.

I don't want to carry on though, I want to end it, end everything.

But I don't want to hurt them.

My family and friends.

I don't want to hurt them anymore.

Thats why I take out the blade.

Why I suffer in silence.

Because of THEM, because I love THEM.

I don't want to hurt THEM.

I live for others, not myself.

I live for my mum, Cain, Adam and all my family.

But it's not enough.

Without him, it's not enough.

I can't keep living for others

I want to die for myself.

They say getting my dad sent down is the right thing to do.

Is it though.

I deserved to be punished.

I deserved what he did to me.

They can't see it though.

Whether he gets sent down or not, it isn't going to change how I feel, how I act.

I'm thinking again.

I'm thinking of ways to do it.

End it.

Down my mums sleeping pills.

Jump out the window, a noose round my neck.

Slit my wrists and watch the blood escape.

But it will hurt them.

I can't do it because I love them.

Because I love him.


End file.
